Lorraine

I woke up on time for training today, what a good day. I guess the 630 630 630 chant before i sleep worked afterall :)
i hated the fatigue that stuck with me throughout the rest of the day after canoe though. too tired to even play frisbee and ended up throwing disc with jingkuang. plus it rained and i was wearing white zzzzzz sian plz, to think i didn't wanna die under the sun in black. oh welllll

went canoe party @ philip's after frisbee for good food. yummm. mommy and daddy's coming back from hk tomorrow! yay

Today I stayed at home, because I wanted to mope. To feel sorry for myself, wallow in self pity for a little while longer before I take on the arduous journey ahead of me which is 2010.

Sometimes I just cannot bring myself to do the things I have to do.

But this has to stop, because it is absolutely pathetic. I do realise that there is more to life, and that there are better things out there to anticipate. There are nights where I feel my surroundings closing in on me with haunting, but very dear memories. But till I suffocate.

Things are never really settled. You can finish reading a book but the story lives on.

Ok basically I didn't go out because I have no cash, but that's besides the point. I doubt I even have 5 bucks. I had a good hair day but there was no one to witness it..

Sigh I'm a solitairy operator.

Not very keen about studying, even though I was a couple of days ago (I SWEAR). Not very keen about eating, not very keen about sleeping at the right times, not very keen about meeting old friends though they are on my mind, not very keen about cleaning my room, not very keen about talking, talking about life, not very keen about telling the truth anymore actually.

I will be the same girl, nevertheless.

My sister is rambling but I am not listening. That's the problem in this family. Nobody exactly listens.

So tonight I assume that I will continue to mope. Or maybe try to do something constructive at least.

SIGH all I want to do is sigh.

Screw her. That motherfucker :) (cool that rhymes) I guess the joke's on her. Oh dear, she is so fucking indecisive. Can't even make up her mind on whether she's over him. I took a lot of shit in and have let it pass. But this, shall not. Not like I'm going to do anything to her. I shall not stoop so low. Maybe I'll feel better blogging it. Being called a "total bitch" for no fucking valid reason is not something I'd swallow. Not anyone would. Girl, learn to stop jumping to conclusions. So fucking sure that it was me? You're a pathetic joke, seriously.

"Stop bugging me" - HA stop trying to sound as though anyone's so in love with you. You're revolting. Unfortunately, no one has ever dared to tell you that. Not even your true friends. If I were your true friend (IF only because I would never want to be), I would have confessed to you a long time ago :) If you're over him, then stop trying so goddamn hard to prove it. Because you know that you can't. Get over it, he has never EVER been interested in you. And I'm glad you do realize that he's mine. So, fuck off.

You immature, PSYCHOTIC bitch. But I thank God for your existence because you made me laugh. This world wouldn't survive without people like you.

Do I really seem that emo? :(

I mean i'm desperately trying to find meaning in life myself and seize every possible day, love life enough to stop wishing I'd disappear from earth every now and then but...there. is. simply. nothing!!! Or, not enough of it. I'm not suicidal plzzzzzzz, that is just dumb.

I think I'm just really sensitive to the emotions of people (even strangers, sometimes) around me ok? Like, if someone around me is down right depressed i'll get affected and feel like shit too. Emotions ARE infectious what! Isn't it???

I just wanna rid the impression which people have of me that I'm some emo shit person :'( sorry my life is full of obstacles and i simply cannot smile every single minute damnitz. This will be the year I become a happier person!!! Promise.

I know i'm late, but what the heck.

HAPPY NEW YEAR KIDS.
(Yes kids, i'm getting old hoho)
I'm quite glad 2009 is history cause I hate hate HATE that year. 2010's gonna be worse I bet. K I shall be optimistic right. Only good thing about 2009 is that I started the korean obsession. But then again it's also bad cause it's the reason why I didn't study much. Cb koreans are doing this on purpose I swear, so that soft-hearted people LIKE ME HAHA will fall for them. But SHINee is just so mouth watering HAHA. actually, I don't exactly adore them to the extent I see them as perfect figures. I mean everyone has their own flaws right?
1. I love Onew. His voice is soothing and he's always in his own world but that's cute and onew condition made me love him more blah blah etc. BUT THE FACT REMAINS. HE. HAS. GOT. PEAR-SHAPED. THIGHS.
2. Bling-bling jonghyun has an awesome manly voice. His jawline is perfect! But crying after winning every music award is just... very manly? and I'm confident I can fit south korea into his nostrils. I can, and I will if he cries again HAHA
3. Taeminnie is damn cute, I want to bite him when he comes to singapore HAHA he's so young he looks like a 3-year old kid. But that makes me feel like a pedo hahaha. But I realize he's close to perfect and I can't criticize much about him cause he's so kawaii!!
4. Minho the FLAMING charisma- NO COMMENTS HAHAHA (i can't stop laughing thinking about sheryl ann saying the word flaming)
5. Kk I admit key is very much a fag. He's like some supermom in the shinee family, he cooks and nags but he's a diva! He loves shopping :)

Ok enough, things I wanna do this year:
1. Switch back to english songs haha wtf
2. Go for dancing lessons. I haven't danced in awhile, i'm so stiff now :( kinda regret not joining dance in jc.
3. SLIM MY THIGHS. YES. Slice them off.
4. Grow smarter la, I blame my brain
5. Learn to love kids. Haha I don't want to be some cold-hearted woman when I grow up.
6. Learn to love my height. 2009 was the year I have the most number of people mocking my height and I admit it brought me down haha. BUT SO WHAT SIAL. I can wear heels hahaha. Short people are cute ok. Rainie yeo is one cute example.

Done! 2010, please be nice to me.
HWAITING!!

If this routine carries on for long, I will be black forever in no time. I need to train my stamina cause it's really bad now compared to before and my legs are damn nua after sprinting up and down the field today. I really hate my blisters, especially when the plasters doesn't stay :(

I'm itching to play frisbee again already.

In 2009, i made awesome new friends who are for keeps.
Though some came and left, i don't really care.
What i've learnt this year is that nothing lasts forever.
I love the people who are always there for me and always stood by me and never judged me.
1) You especially, who never got angry with me no matter what stupid things i do, bore with me and could still be so nice to me after it all. You are my best gift ever.
2) Yuhao, who helped me in so many ways, getting me a job etc, being there to listen to my crap.
3) Suyi, being kpo all the time, and always keeping me in a good mood whenever i'm around you cuz you are so darn funny.
4) Lynette, who always gives me the best advices on anything and everything, love you (:
5) Melt, who entertains me whenever i'm bored, whenever i have troubles too
6) Joey, who bitches with me, keeps everything i tell her to herself, making me shop with her cuz i'm honest if clothes look ugly on her.
7) Koh ying en, who always disappears, who does stupid things with me and never ever judges me.
8) Cheryl, Who is always always there no matter what
9) Celeste, who always starbucks with me, unique friend who eats yoshi with me, and meets me whenever i ask.
10) Danya, the best of the best ((:

And my friends whom i haven't spoke to in the longest time, you guys are always in my heart (:

All of you whom i've named, you guys are the people i'll always keep close to me.
<3

In no particular order, here's my new year resolution for 2010...

This too shall pass. Besides, it shouldn't have been about me from the start. I guess I was selfish, aren't we all? It's ironic how you feel responsible about me, but I feel that you shouldn't even care in the first place.

You've made me realise that I was wrong. I've always thought that people had their place and time. That everyone was allocated to be in other people's lives for a certain period of time and once their time was up, they leave. So that was how I felt towards you. I thought it was another, 'Hey, I gotta go be a big part in someone else's life now. Hope you enjoyed the ride.' Honestly, I could have lived with that. But I would have lived in slow, tormenting denial. And I just want to thank you. For making the effort, for trying (because you know I wouldn't), for caring. To put it across really bluntly, thank you for giving a shit. Thank you friend, and I love you very much.

Should I bake something for the class bbq? But it's so much hassssssssle. And I don't know what to bake :c

Strawberry Jello Cheesecake


or

Cupcakes?


both as fattening and taste as good HAHA.

and i forgot about the time while busy googling for the recipe. now im gonna be late. am meeting the most random group of friends (-charlotte sam marcus trisha and jiaohui!?!!?) HAHAHA

Exhaustion proves to be a mood killer.

5 more days to the end of 2009. I just hope 2010 will be better. Please let it be better.

(WHY NO GILLY HICKS IN SG :c)